198th Sitting 27/06/2019

We had the room setup as usual and used the Magnetometer but not the Mind Mirror.

I did the opening prayer at 7.35pm, turned out the light and put the music on...

We started with the Rainbow Bridge Exercise then continued on into the session...

After about 15 minutes Liz began to speak...

‘I have John Harbottle here, washing out my head with a bottle brush, he was a technical officer, he had bad arthritis... got a sense of spiders, cobwebs... savouring freedom... sense of a lion... Savanna, South Africa... getting the message of a new broom, sweep clean, cleaning the slate of everything, a new start, all wiped clean, all the cobwebs gone... sensing that freedom, getting the original roaring lion, Savanna, surveying vast territory, unbridled freedom, face the sun, the blaze... We shy away from the light, we are like creatures of darkness like the spiders building their webs in the corners, the dark corners, in the crevasses, afraid to look at too much light... now I see the unlimited, I see the light, not afraid to look now... I was John, I am John... but in some sense John is gone...’

‘Lesley Carson... talking about craving... incandescent, consumed, totally coloured and colour-blind, preposterous, presumptions... the confusion... very slow to heal, very slow like coming out of a treacle bath, still all sticky and just wanting to be washed clean of all the attachments, all the cravings sticking to me like glue... far reaching effects, you take them with you... snake slithering around, slipping in and out... far easier to deal with these when they are physical... settling, settling down, healing takes time, takes confession... if I don’t know that I am sick I just carry on, you have to want to be healed... while you are caught in the glue it’s very hard to come unstuck... but here I can just lie in the rain and let it wash it all away... in a sense dying is like the scissors that cut away all the... cuts you out of the gloom, cuts you out of the sticky bonds, the attachments, severed suddenly, it’s difficult at first, unfamiliar, like phantom limbs. If you have an amputation, but you still feel the leg, even when it’s not there, when the bonds are cut, even when they are cut and not there you can still feel the pull so I have to keep remembering that it’s phantom bonds now, I've been cut from them, there’s no physical state in these now, substance abuse... but as I lie in the rain and the rain washes me clean... it takes a lot of lying in the rain, a lot of realisation that I've been cut free. You see, the attachments became so much the norm, normalised, you don’t realise it’s a sickness, you don’t realise the drain in your energy, draining the life from you, consuming. So even when you’re cut free the emotional pull of them still like the phantom limb, but they’re helping me now, I do know I need the healing... to be washed clean, to be undressed of the world, to shed those remnants, those rags, to be well ridden, good riddance, I can say that now’

‘All healing is a form of dying, it’s a form of letting go the attachment to the sickness but it has become a habit, habit of spirit, habit of mind, habit of body... I craved so many things, fashion, publicity, fame, success, money, flowers, even solitude. I'm being cured of the craving, the craving that binds, that fetters, spiders' webs of the mind. I'm like a spider caught in my own trap, caught in my own web, become my own sticky food parcel, I've been eating myself... kick the habits, kick the habits of mind, kick the habits of craving so you can go free. My healing was forced on me by death... in the rain being washed of the sticky remains I can see how I could have done it while I was still in the old body if I wanted to and part of healing is the desire to heal and that’s taken a while to come and sometimes the desire to heal only comes with intense suffering because we’re afraid to heal, to let go, afraid to let go of the sticky attachment because that’s what keeps us going, that’s what fills the gap, that’s what creates the matrix, the physical reality in which we dwell, without it we think we’re lost, we’re afraid of falling into a vacuum, a pit within reality and that’s just an illusion, that is just a trap, a snare and the healing can only come when you let go of the fear, when you stop being afraid to let go and it took me dying, enforced letting go, it was like cut out of the web but the phantom limb, the memory of the web continued until my desire to heal became stronger than the fear of the loss of the phantom web. I realised it was a phantom, insubstantial because I knew there was no physical satisfaction anymore, I'd lost, there was no point in the fear, I gave up the fear and then the desire for healing began to form and the healers came and they surrounded me with beauty and the rain that washes me clean now I surrendered to the healing, I allow the healing and it takes time but you can do it now without the actual dying if you let go of the fear of letting go. Bit of a catch 22 to let go of the fear of letting go, ask for help. If you truly ask for help the help will come in the fullness of time’

‘I’ve got Gracie Fields... they’re all lending their support, we support one another, that’s what they’re saying. We’re all addicts in one way or another, that’s what they’re saying, great tolerance’

‘I’m asking what is the secret of healing and I'm told the secret of healing is the desire to heal and be healed, to be made whole, to be the whole of what you are, to make whole again and behind that is the healing of the hole, the H-O-L-E, that your separation from the whole, the W-H-O-L-E, has created. We talk of holism, of holistic healing. Holistic healing is the healing of the hole in the whole. Ask and you will receive, give and it will be given back to you in abundance, that is the teaching, that was the teaching of the master healer’

The music CD ended.

‘I have with me a Rabbi or a learned man with a beard’

‘Thank you... we’re in the presence of great teachers... thank you all... Sefira, he who’s face shines like the sun, and dear Leslie Carson, thank you... and my friend Mary Whitehead and John thank you all’

We recalled our Rainbow Bridge Exercises...

Liz got Iris again, she came with the flower iris and was leading Liz to the one who’s face shines like the sun, this being of light, the great light...

I started off being wrapped in a soft blanket and placed in a pram then pushed down a busy street full of people rushing around. I had the sense that I wasn’t really there, the pram seemed real but the street didn’t. Then I was going downhill getting faster and faster, out of control. It felt like a roller-coaster and as I thought that I found I was on a roller-coaster going up and down and round then through some water which made me think of a power boat and then I was on the sea in a power boat heading towards an island. The boat went up onto the sand and stopped. Suddenly everything went quiet and I got out the boat and sat on a rock. I just sat there enjoying the quiet knowing that I could go back if I wanted to by just thinking about it...

Then I did the healing exercise, closing prayer and our closing down exercise.

I noticed a lot of bright light when doing the healing and Liz thought there were a lot of healers with us...